Knowing Goddess, Or Wishful Thinking
Recently, I was asked, “Have you experienced visions or dreams… maybe voices, or other mystic phenomena related to the Goddess?”
It got me to thinking, when had Goddess appeared before me? I mean really appeared, and given me direction or information via visionary or auditory means? And if She did, how was I to know when my mystical experiences are actual gnosis versus imagination or wishful thinking?
What makes experiences of the Goddess REAL?
It was such a great question, which had me meditating about experiences and connection to Goddess and others. We live in a society that seems to really empower the “I feel” statement. Framing things with “I feel” has a nicer ring to it, and I agree that often it is the better model. However, the “I feel” doesn’t always equate to fact or knowing. So how do we know when Goddess is speaking, and are we listening?
Last March, when I was sculpting an image of Goddess at Ostara, as I was working the pigments of colors into the wet clay I had a vision inside the clay of a friend whom I had not talked to in almost a year. This was a friend I had been very close too, and for whatever reason, mostly busy schedules and a change in jobs, we had drifted apart. As I was sculpting, which is by nature ritualistic for me, I saw my friend having an abortion. Let me be clear in this, I saw exacting details that need to be recounted here.
As I came out of the vision, chilled and frankly disturbed I didn’t know what to do? So, I texted that random “Thinking about you” and let her know that I felt she needed to know she wasn't alone and I loved her. Random huh? She ignored me. What else could I do? She and I were not close any more but where still connected. I sent healing energy her way and placed her on my altar and into my stream of consciousness. I never forgot the vision, and never parted with the art.
She contacted me a month ago that she was moving, and we had drinks two weeks ago. Over drinks it was like we had never missed a beat. She told me how she and her husband had split, how she cheated and she had to made bad choices. She then told me about the abortion. All in a bar, a nice bar mind you, and how I texted the night she had the procedure. She asked how I knew. It was time, and finally that I wasn't just “plain old Erick.” then she understood why my counsel was always the one she sought.
Some might consider that vision a psychic connection, and not a Goddess connection. I could argue either point. However I feel strongly because the vision happened at Ostara, a time of great fertility while I was aspecting Goddess through art, there was a deeper message; one meant for me and a message for my friend. For me, it was a reminder of duty to Goddess and to my role as teacher and counselor and for my friend, well that is between her and Goddess. That is just one of many examples I have of connection to Goddess.
Connection is about the realness in the moment. On Ostara, I set out to sculpt a Goddess I intended to donate to a fundraiser for The New Alexandrian Library Project. That was my plan. Goddess however had a different plan. I was not prepared and quite frankly desirous of that transmission. It wasn't pleasant to say the least. I had to learn to understand it, ground myself with it, and then release it, in addition to attempt to heal a person I cared for, whom did not on the surface want my company in that moment.
Which leads me to this thought on real verses wishful? I think for me, the realness comes because I set intention to not seek "fantastical" Goddess experiences. I am not looking for Goddess to magnify Erick, and Goddess knows, She certainly doesn’t need me to magnify Her. I am not, to quote Tibetan Buddhist nun, Pema Chödrön, biting the hook that leads to suffering or dukkha. Instead, I choose to align a life dedicated to Goddess and creating magic that works towards systemic changes for positive good of all beings in the world. I come to Goddess knowing She is the bringer of wisdom in Her time, and I invite Her, entreat upon Her to use me as a vessel.
Because of that, She honors many, not just me with Her wisdom and speaks knowingly and I listen. I listen in the trees and I listen in the wind. I listen in the laughter of children and in the faces of friends and strangers. I see Her in visions but I see also in the reality of life's struggles. I know Her in the morning and evening star. However, I know Her best within myself, for it is She who called upon my soul to arise and come unto Her!
She been with us ALL from the beginning and she is that which is attained at the end of desire.
Blessings and Blessed Be